Letter from Slim Wolfe
Politics – March 2003 – Colorado Central Magazine
Editor,
Poppycock, Quillen. We know a liberal when we see one: Unkempt hair, unkempt house, unkempt dog, it all adds up to pinko. I don’t see why you people can’t appreciate the war on drugs, it’s as simple as uppers for the pilots and hash for the infantry. Winner take all! I bet you’re against our invading France as well, but more reasonable men know that these are times that call for faith in leadership.
Of course, we have intelligence, you dummy. We can prevail with the left hand while we defeat with the right hand and still bounce a quarter off our navel. We don’t need no stinking allies, either. And remember: balanced budgets are for democrats only.
(Col.) Slym Strangelove Wolfgebrigtsen (Ret.)
P.S. Show some conservative hubris and you might gain fame and money. Give out “Best in the West” awards, call them Hectors: Best restrictive ordinance, Best insensitive enterprise, that sort of thing.