Column by Hal Walter
Public Lands – November 2005 – Colorado Central Magazine
IT STARTED OUT as a peaceful fall morning. I had the place to myself — a wife- and baby-free zone — and a fresh cup of steaming coffee in hand. I glanced out the window to see a very large porcupine lumber in front of the barn. I’ve seen smaller bear cubs, no lie.
As the porcupine approached a paddock to the side of the barn, one of my burros, Laredo, charged at the spiny beast. The porcupine bolted.
I’ve never seen a porcupine run this fast. It headed east into the pasture where I keep two other burros, Clyde and Spike.
Spike was on top of the situation. He chased the porcupine down, stomped right over the top of the critter and then kicked with his rear hooves.
I knew I had a problem when I saw Spike lift his rear leg up and hold it in the air. I traded the coffee cup for a pair of pliers and went to work. There were innumerable quills all along the cannon bone. Two of the tiny spears were even stuck in the hoof.
What a way to start the day.
Actually my day was already off to a prickly start because of something disturbing I had heard on the radio the previous night. While scanning the AM airwaves for a show called “Coast to Coast AM,” I had accidentally tuned in one of the right-wing talk shows that are so prevalent in our mainstream media. What I heard on this show indicated that Hurricane Katrina’s devastation could extend to the West.
On that broadcast, one of our alleged public representatives from Colorado — whose views I find sufficiently offensive that I would rather not dignify his name by typing it — was heard spouting off about his new legislation to pay for rebuilding New Orleans and the Gulf Coast.
The plan: Sell off millions of acres of public lands in the West. The suggested property: 15 percent of the lands managed by the Bureau of Land Management and Forest Service. The money would go toward rebuilding the Gulf Coast.
The argument is that these federal lands are not of any economic value to the government, since they don’t produce much income from timber, mining or grazing. In fact, these lands scattered throughout the West cost too much to manage and administer.
Supporters say it would be better to sell these vast acreages at about $300 an acre (yes, this was the suggested price) and put that money toward the Katrina tab, which is really the Iraq war debt hiding beneath a different coconut shell.
It always amazes me when people are elected to public office, and suddenly believe that they can play real-estate broker, or God, with other people’s property.
Excuse me, but this is my land we’re talking about selling. And it’s your land, too. And while public officials are also partners in this land, it’s not theirs to do with as they please, which in this case likely means selling it at bargain basement prices to rich cronies, ostensibly to pay for the big bill they’ve run up on our children’s line of credit.
But these wide open spaces, our public lands, are much more valuable than just real estate. They shape our culture. They shape our regional heritage. These public lands are the last thing separating the Western U.S. from the Eastern U.S. This is not to mention the valuable role these lands play in maintaining the diversity of ecosystems throughout the region.
As far as I am concerned, these properties are not for sale.
MUCH OF MY value system has been shaped by this “economically worthless” land in the West. Tied up in these vast expanses are recollections of roasting hotdogs over a creosote fire as a child, hunting and fishing as a teenager and young adult, camping out under the stars on the free bare ground as middle age approached. Thousands of other memories would not be possible behind a No Trespassing sign.
To this day it is a comfort to know there are places I can go to escape the rest of the world, big open ranges that are just there. I resent the idea of someone wanting to sell my land. It’s the only land I own. I want to pass it on to my son. (Something called Washington Mutual actually owns the property I live on, holding a mortgage that at a nickel per word will take the better part of quite some time to pay off.)
Incidentally, a high percentage of the land comprising Central Colorado is publicly owned. How would selling this land to private properties change the face of our landscape here?
Of course I realize most people give this legislation little chance of passage, but it is a concern that people have even begun to think of public lands as real-estate holdings. But then, what else can you expect when the real estate industry is a major contributor to campaigns, including this legislation’s author?
I HAVE A BETTER IDEA. Actually the idea of selling property may not really be all that bad. Perhaps it’s just a matter of whose property should be sold. When it’s in the public interest, governments and other concerns routinely condemn properties for such a purpose. In fact, this practice has been upheld as being constitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court in its recent eminent domain ruling.
So instead of selling off our public lands, allow me to satirically suggest that the government condemn a few private properties in the public interest, starting with 15 percent of those owned by supporters of this land- grab legislation. Let’s put those properties on the auction block to help pay for the Katrina debt. And while we’re at it, let’s also condemn some other assets, including some “campaign warchests,” money that would otherwise likely be used to misinform the public anyway.
Remember, it’s for the national good.
But this won’t be enough to pay for the Katrina Devastation. So while we’re selling off the assets of the piggish, let us additionally lay claim to a percentage of the corporations that have contributed to their campaigns. This would include oil and gas companies that are raking in record profits while we pay their outrageous greed surcharge at the pumps. And let’s not forget the real-estate industry; all the greedy should pay their fair share.
It’s the patriotic thing to do.
Now we’re talking about more money then we’d get by selling off some public land at $300 an acre. Think of it as spreading democracy to the wealthy class.
And while we’re discussing land-use issues, it’s been brought to my attention that a person of the Texan persuasion has purchased a tract of land that Fairplay’s World Championship Pack-Burro Race course has crossed for 57 years. The new owner has reportedly said he will not allow the race to continue to cross his property — starting with next summer’s race on the last Sunday of July. Obviously he has no clue about the little piece of Central Colorado history and culture that he has just bought.
I have consulted with my team of legal experts and the possible options could include claiming adverse possession of the land based on many years of prior use, or having Park County condemn and purchase the property or an easement through it by declaring eminent domain.
One or both of these processes should begin immediately.
Now that I’ve solved these land crises, let’s get back to Spike. What a mess. I pulled 50 quills out of him, before this burro who has won four races on the aforementioned Fairplay course started getting twitchy and tried to kick me. So I called the vet, who later arrived to anesthetize the burro and pull out an additional 75 quills.
The porcupine apparently walked away unscathed.
Hal Walter and his family live among the wildlife on 35 acres in the West Mountains.
