oh i wish i was the captain
out on the arabian sea
get hassled by some locals
uncle sam gonna rescue me
gonna send some big destroyers
and snipers one two three
gonna poach them hapless people’s fish
and get away scot free
but if i was a farmer
on a bicycle bound for town
with a load to sell of broccoli
from the seeds that i had sown
and if some bad dog bit me
and chased my little bike down
would uncle pay my doctor bill
or would he call me a clown
oh i wish i was the pilot
of some far-distant drone
i could trash them folks in pakistan
punch out and mosey home
pick up my kids, rent dvd’s,
might even polish my chrome
not hear those sad survivors
no matter how they moan
but if i was just plain old sam
got put out of my house
by lawyers, bankers, landlords, cops
and every sort of louse
ay, who would give me here’s a praise
and soothe my grumbling spouse
oh i wish i was the captain
out on the arabian sea
with a big ol’ load of hobble head dolls
from some sweatshop in sri sri
i’d take them dolls to wall street
and sell ‘em, duty free
drink a pitcher of pink margaritas
beneath my mark-up tree
but if i was a carpenter
and the price of planks did rise
and my customers got worried
‘cause my bill was a surprise
would uncle send the navy
with a box of chicken and fries
could i save my little bizness
on the strength of uncle’s lies?
and if a was a tailor
who sewed the emperors cloths
i’d make ‘em all transparent
so every falsehood shows
and if i was a sailor
i’d sail both east and west
i’d put up billboards everywhere
proclaiming, love’s the test
and if i was a barber
and had the emperor’s ear
i’d put my scissors down and whisper;
neither pride nor fear
Slim Wolfe
Villa Grove, CO
